I am officially an Ole Miss Alumnae as of this week, and I'm jobless, but last night I went to the Square to celebrate graduating with my roommate. We've known each other for a few years, and most of the time he is a dick, but during the moments that he is nice to me I realize why he's one of my best friends. Taylor is honest, and he's one of those people who you are glad you have around when you're about to walk out of the house wearing a hippie headband, because he will tell you that you look like an idiot.
Once I have a drink I start giggling, and once I start giggling I get the hiccups, and once I get the hiccups people start making fun of me, and there was no exception to this rule last night. And I started thinking, since I'm currently sitting in an airport waiting to check-in to my flight, that friendships are like hiccups; they come and go.
I've written about expecting too much out of my friendships before, and I expect my friends to put forth as much energy keeping up with me as I do with them, and the moment I feel like there is no effort being put in I walk away. And Taylor is a slight exception to this rule, because when we first met I always had to keep up with him, and I hated it, but I loved him so much that I didn't want to lose his friendship. I'm not sure what changed the summer after that because then it was him trying to keep up with me. It was my first summer with John, and I couldn't have cared less about talking with Taylor, but he just kept calling me and annoying me. He's one of the few people who reached out to me last summer.
I don't believe any relationship can last when texting is involved, and I don't believe any relationship can last if one person cares more than the other. I think I just lost one of my really good friends, and I'm starting to wonder if we were ever really friends in the first place or if he just wanted to be near someone until he found a girl to date. And that's okay, because I didn't keep up with him as much as I should have last summer, but I did try, and he's not trying to keep up with me.
I just said 'goodbye' to one of my best girl friends, Caitlin, but she left me with a three page letter, a devotional, and a picture of us. I can't imagine not having her friendship in my life, and I can tell that we will forever keep in contact, because we both know what it's like to not have friends and to lose them. We know what it's like to care about people more than they care about us. That's my weakness; I care about people more than I should sometimes, and I get my heart broken when they leave me.
So, I won't miss Ole Miss or Oxford, and I don't think I'll miss school or my home for the past five years, but I'll miss the hiccups and the giggles, and I'll miss seeing everyone face-to-face. I'll miss calling up my friends to get a milkshake and waffle fries. I'll miss laughing with Taylor about how lazy we are. I'll miss talking to Caitlin about boys. I'll miss Alison's singing. I'll miss Teri's soothing voice. I'll miss calling Taylor a dick to his face, because it feels better to say it when I can see him. And I'll miss chocolate chip pancakes for dinner. These are the things I'll miss most about school; I'll miss the giggles, and I feel like if that's what I miss the most then my education was worth $40,000.
Because these people are so special, and these memories are worth every day I woke up without coffee.