I pretend to be a badass; however, people are my weakness. I don't know what it is about the word 'no' that freaks me out, but I'm sure it has to do with a fear of being disliked, and as much as I hate to admit that I care about what people think of me, I do.
I know I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way, and I also know I'm not the only person who has come up with a scapegoat for saying "nah" while attempting to look like a good person.
Usually my conversations with people go something like this:
Random Annoying Person: Hey, Alex, can I have some gum?
Annoyed Me: *shoves all gum in mouth* Oh, I'm so sorry. You should have asked me before I put the whole pack in my mouth.
Random Annoying Person: Hey! Do you want to come move around with me?
Annoyed Me: Well, see, I have this infection.
Oblivious Annoying Person: Really? You looked fine earlier.
Lying Scumbag Me: It's actually in my armpit? Real gross.
Concerned Friend: Do you need a ride to the Doctor? That sounds awful!
Scumbag Me: Yeah, it's pretty serious, but I'm going alone. I'll meet up with you next time!
Or, and this is my favorite one:
Nice Person: Hey, want to make an easy million dollars?
Lazy Me: Oh, gosh, yeah I would, but I can't. See, I have to take my car to get serviced.
Nice Person: You don't have a car.
Lazy Me: Right, I'm going to take someone's car to get serviced for them.
Super Nice Person: Well, do you want to meet after? I can pick you up!
Super Lazy Me: No, I can't ask that of you. I'm just going to have to take a raincheck, but thanks. I'm just going to be worthless all day on the couch and then complain about how I have no money.
But, see, the end of these conversations always end with me saying "Of course I will" or "I would love to" or "See you there!" After all, I'm going to do what I need to do. It feels like something is wrong with me, because there are so many people in the world that can say no but I just power through, and I somehow find a way to make it work. I see that being selfish isn't really a good thing for me, and I understand that sometimes I have to help others. I have to be available for my friends even when I'm on page 345 of 347 of the best book in the world. I understand that I might not start my life with my dream job, and I'm going to have to work my way up. But maybe it will make me appreciate the finish line, and maybe it will fuel my drive or make me a better person, so it really can't be bad if I'm getting all these good qualities out of the deal.
Have you ever disguised a no with a lie? Tell me about it in the comments section below.